Stop Hitting Yourself

Have you ever had someone take your hand and then forcefully start beating you in the face with it? It’s a very unnatural and unpleasant feeling, not to mention it really hurts. We’re not meant to hurt ourselves with our own limbs and we’re not meant to hurt ourselves with our own words or thoughts.

I worked and lived with a woman who made my life miserable. She showed kindness and compassion to everyone she came across, but she loved to pick on me. Any mistake I made I was told how stupid I was. She knew all my secrets and loved to remind me of my most shameful memories. She was relentless in making me feel undeserving off all the greatness in my life. As soon as I got up in the morning she was there telling me I was lazy because I didn’t get up earlier to work out. She was sweet as pie to everyone else, yet she made me feel unworthy, unlovable and made me sick. This beast of a woman wasn’t a co-worker, spouse, sibling or parent, she was me.

How would it feel to know that others could hear your self-talk? Would you allow someone to speak to you the way you speak to yourself?
By becoming aware of the quality of our words we can change how we see ourselves and ultimately how others see us. Positive words whether to yourself or to another lead to a positive self-worth.
Treat yourself with the kindness and compassion as you would any other. Be aware of the words the follow “I am”. They are very powerful.

Buff Beads are a simple reminder to be aware of your self-talk. They are used as a reminder of the importance of treating ourselves with the same respect as we would another. Buff Beads are a tool used in every day life to be sure that we are treating the most important person to us (ourselves) with the up most respect.

Buff Yourself!

My friend myself

Esteem Buff Beads

“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection”
―Buddha

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Pink represents Esteem which is not an easy thing to teach, because it comes from within. Self-esteem is built by doing things you’re proud of. It’s created by patting yourself on the back when no one else is. It’s realizing you are worthy when you have always thought you weren’t. It’s telling yourself daily that you love you and that you are worthy of all good things.

Esteem Beads are available on the Buff Beads store. Free shipping to the US and Canada until the end of June with the code Buff Yourself.

Happy 1 Year Buff Beads!

Buff Beads are a year old! Thank you everyone who has been with me from the beginning!

A year ago today I was walking around China Town in Vancouver after having just visited Dr. Sun Yat-Sen’s Garden gift shop where I purchased a pair of prayer beads that were on sale. As the story goes, I was feeling anxiously awful. It was one of those times where it took every bit of concentration just to get to the next moment without losing it. I began to play with the beads as I continued to mentally defend my Self against my word. It soon became effortless and my anxiety began to lift. I called them my Buff Beads, because what I was doing was using my word to give me power. As we do in our video games. It worked so well and I had to tell others that I knew could benefit from this knowledge. I found a little bead store and without any knowledge of stringing beads I made a handful of beads that I gave to those that needed them. June 21st my Etsy shop opened. My first buyer coincidentally was the first person I had given Buff Beads to. My son Josh was my first buyer. I have the order still pinned to my vision board. The order came with a note from the buyer that simply says “I love you.”

In the last year I have given away and sold hundreds of Buff Beads to people all over the world. The styles have changed a few times, but the message has always been the same and always will be.

There is a healing powers in your words. By saying only loving and kind words to your Self you develop a friendship that will surpass all others. The love and respect I have for my Self now brings tears to my eyes. I cannot believe I had let it go for so long and allowed so much disrespect in my life.

In just a few weeks Buff Beads online store will go live and my message of the power of self-talk will become even louder! I am so excited to see where we are at in another year.

*NOTE: Buff Beads shown are my original Buff Beads and not for sale.

Anniversary Buff Beads are on Sale on AOP’s Etsy Shop.

FREE SHIPPING this week!

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Pride Buff Beads

Introducing Pride Buff Beads on Advice Over Pie’s Etsy Shop

Buff Beads are based on the article Give Yourself a Love Buff.

You can learn about Buff Beads from yours truly:

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Buff Beads Promotion

May 4- 10 is Mental Health Week. So, for the month of May 50 percent of the Leia and It’s Dangerous to Go Alone Buff Bead proceeds will go the Canadian Mental Health Association.

It’s the Canadian Mental Health Association’s (CMHA) 64th Annual Mental Health Week!  And this year, CMHA is asking Canadians to GET LOUD for mental health!

Building on last year’s innovative campaign that encouraged people to talk more openly and honestly about their mental health, CMHA will again ask Canadians, “Are you fine or phine?” But this year, CMHA is also asking Canadians to GET LOUD for mental health because being phine is not fine.Too often people claim to be feeling fine when they are not. CMHA characterizes this as being “phine.”

CMHA wants Canadians to GET LOUD – to be heard, raise awareness, reduce discrimination and stigma, show support, and ultimately take action to improve mental health programs and services across Canada.

This year, Canadian athletes, celebrities and musicians are participating along with first responders, military families, university and high school students and others who have been affected by mental health issues. This incredible group of Canadians are joining the cause and asking everyone to GET LOUD for mental health.

CMHA’s Mental Health Week website.

Buff Beads are a used as a reminder to be kind and compassionate to ourselves.  Anyone who has ever  suffered with a mental illness knows that the mental beating we give ourselves is very

detrimental to our mental health.  That’s why it’s important to take control of our inner critic and change the words you say to yourself to a much more kind and gentler tone. Buff Beads are also there to remind you to Buff Yourself when you need some words of encouragement.  The words you say to yourself are strong enough to make a difference in stressful circumstances.

“The most influential and frequent voice you hear is your inner-voice. It can work in your favor or against you, depending on what you listen to and act upon.”

Maddy Malhotra

 

Click a picture or here to visit Advice Over Pie on Etsy

Leia's Beads. The style of beads that were given to Carrie Fisher. Available on Etsy

Leia’s Beads. The style of beads that were given to Carrie Fisher. Available on Etsy

It's Dangerous to Go Alone. Take These Buff Beads is a Legend of Zelda inspired themed bead available on Etsy.

It’s Dangerous to Go Alone. Take These Buff Beads is a Legend of Zelda inspired themed bead available on Etsy.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It’s Dangerous to Go Alone. Take These.

As most of you know, Buff Beads are based on the gaming term for the skill used to give yourself power before a battle. Here’s a quick little run down:

In video games, specifically RPGs or MMOs there is a term we use for the skills that give us an advantage in the game. An extra 10% to health, a bonus 15% to defense, a boost to damage, speed, endurance etc. Some of these little dabs of comfort last until you get hit, some last 30 seconds and some last 60 minutes. Most of them aren’t game changing like cheats ie. God Mode or Motherlode , nor do we really want them to be. Really, it’s just the boost of confidence we get when we hit the skill, our character does their battle cry and powers up. We are then buffed up and ready for battle.

To make it easy and visual here are the stats you’ll need to buff up at any given time:

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  • Health
  • Energy
  • Intelligence
  • Dexterity
  • Valor
  • Armour
  • Strength,
  • Wisdom
  • Endurance
  • Toughness
  • Compassion

 

 

Compassion is highlighted due to its critical importance and frequent use. It is the stat that boosts the skills, Forgiveness, Understanding and Love. When Compassion is used on yourself it will give a permanent buff to the majority of your stats. Specifically, Health, Valor, Armour and Wisdom.

For a little under a year I have been teaching people the importance of buffing in real life and how to do it. To do it we use one of the first skills we learn in this game we call life, Speech. Only when Speech is activated can we use the skill Words. Using Words is an important skill and must be used very carefully as to make sure we do not debuff. A buff that comes after learning Words is “I am”.

Warning: “I am” is the most powerful buff and must be used wisely. If used poorly it can be turned into a self-destructing debuff. This is not a glitch. It can be used as a buff and a debuff. This is the way the Dev designed it. Whatever you put after “I am” can determine how your game will go. Kind of like Fable.

Buffing yourself in RL is a life changing experience boost that will get you to the next level. It is part of your storyline and a never ending quest that may seem like a grind at times. But leave it in your quest log and consistently go back and work on it. Each time you do the reward is greater.

It’s dangerous to go alone. Take these. Equip some Legend of Zelda themed Buff Beads for a boost to Memory. They will be a reminder to not only Buff Yourself, but of the importance of using your Speech skill to treat yourself with kindness and compassion. You may not have Navi with you throughout your journey, but when you treat yourself as a friend, that’s what you will become.

Visit the Buff Beads Store.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Stop Hitting Yourself – How to Self-Talk

Have you ever had someone take your hand and then forcefully start beating you in the face with it? It’s a very unnatural and unpleasant feeling, not to mention it really hurts.  We’re not meant to hurt ourselves with our own limbs and we’re not meant to hurt ourselves with our own words or thoughts.
The subconscious cannot tell the difference between our words or another person’s words

Up until a couple years ago, I worked and lived with a woman who made my life miserable. She was nice to everyone else, but she loved to pick on me. Any mistake I made I was told how stupid I was. She knew all my secrets and loved to remind me of my most shameful memories and tell me how horrible of a person I was. As soon as I got up in the morning she was there telling me I was lazy because I didn’t get up earlier to work out. Sweet as pie to everyone else, she made me feel unworthy, unlovable and made me sick. This beast of a woman wasn’t a co-worker, sibling or parent, she was me. I lived with sickness, shame and anxiety for many years until I became my own hero and took control of my self-talk.

Categorically, self-talk is a broad statement. But with the right perspective you can usually narrow it down to a free flowing thought form that comes at you unannounced and unwanted unless you take control. Collectively we would agree that our words are generally not of a positive nature towards ourselves. You would normally never speak to anyone the way you speak to yourself and I can’t imagine that any of us would tolerate being in such an abusive relationship for long.

Worthy
How do I self talk?

Be your own best friend. One day you show your human side and make an embarrassing mistake that makes you want to curl up under a blanket and never come out. Use comforting words that you would to your best friend or partner and remind yourself of all the things you did, and do, amazingly wellSelf-compassion doesn’t just apply to things that happen to you, it applies to things you do to yourself. Example “I am so sorry that happened. It must have been very embarrassing.  It will all be okay.”

Be proud of yourself. How often do you brush aside compliments and give reasons why “it really wasn’t that big of a deal”? Relish in the joy of doing amazing things. Even if it’s just managing to fold a fitted sheet, I had heard only wizards could do that. Every day create in yourself a sense of pride for your accomplishments. Example “Nicely done on the folding of that fitted sheets!  I heard only wizards could do that! Woot!

Be the nicest person who has ever been nice to you.

Buff Yourself. Often you will see professional athletes sitting muttering to themselves. They are pumping themselves up using their words. Buffing yourself means to give yourself power. Before an interview, test, meeting, anything that you need to draw inner strength for, use your words. My favorite words to say to myself are “I am so very strong and have proved that many times.

Allow yourself to love you. The hardest part about self-love and self-talk is the resistance you will have towards it. It will feel awkward saying kind things towards yourself. You will feel like you’re lying or even bragging. Have you ever broke into song and dance while alone and then all of a sudden feel self-conscious and embarrassed? This happens because you are not comfortable around you. And why would you be comfortable around someone that is so mean and degrading at times? Create a kind and loving relationship with yourself by becoming aware of your inner dialogue. You will then see how often and unconsciously you talk down to yourself.  Change it. Stick up for yourself. Tell yourself that you are worthy of love and respect and you will not tolerate being treated in any other way. Example “I am a very good person and I am very kind. I am worthy of all good things.

Just because it’s your own hand doesn’t make it hurt less. Just because the words are your own doesn’t make them any less painful or effective. Now that you are aware of this you have the ability to take control of your your words. By changing your inner dialogue you build a trust and bond with yourself that will make you feel confident and less alone during some of the most scary times, because you know that you have your best friend with you always.

“Like food is to the body, self-talk is to the mind. Don’t let any junk thoughts repeat in your head.”

Maddy Malhotra, How to Build Self-Esteem and Be Confident: Overcome Fears, Break Habits, Be Successful and Happy

5 Ways to Feel Good

One of the ideas behind the term “Buff Yourself” is to create in us a data bank filled with ways to make ourselves feel good.

 

 

On my days when I’m not feeling it, all I want to do is curl up on the couch with a bottle of wine and the Fellowship of the Rings. While there were days where I have done that, it’s not really a progressive way to get to my upswing.  These are a few ways to keep yourself present and give yourself a needed Buff.

 

Show Yourself Compassion.

You really mean a lot to yourself.

There’s a difference between feeling sorry for yourself and showing yourself compassion. Feeling sorry for yourself is a constant whereas showing yourself compassion is in the moment.  If my good friend was stuck on the side of the freeway in the pouring rain waiting for a tow truck I would feel bad for her and I would use my words to comfort her, “Awe Vick, This really sucks.  I’m so sorry that this is happening to you”.  By saying this it validates her feelings of frustration and anger.    By saying words of comfort to ourselves we are validating and allowing ourselves to feel in the moment.  The next time you have a screaming kid throwing a tantrum in a public place, instead of beating yourself up for not hiring a babysitter, say to yourself “Awe you must be so tired and frustrated.  You are being so patient and holding up really well.”   You are worthy of compassion.

“Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation.”  – Audre Lorde

Give Thanks.

What do you have now?

Finding something to be grateful for when you’re feeling really low is not easy, but just the act of calmly and consciously looking around can add comfort.  Around me I have a picture of my healthy kids, an air conditioner that is working great, my computer which is an awesome gaming machine and my water bottle full of clean drinking water. These are things that ground me and bring me to what’s really important, the present moment.

“Acknowledging the good that you already have in your life is the foundation for all abundance.” ― Eckhart Tolle

Practice Grace.

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www.dharmacomics.com

Like a friggin’ elf

The dictionary definition of grace is “elegance or beauty of form, manner, motion, or action.” Sometimes we get so wrapped up in our emotions that we lose a grip on reality.  Slow down, stand up straight, compose yourself and find your wisdom.  If you were thousands of years old how trivial would all this be?  Certain things would almost be laughable compared to what you have seen and done.  If it’s not laughable then with the wisdom of years you would be able to distance yourself emotionally and still be compassionate and caring. Hold your emotions high. By consciously practicing grace we slow down.  You ever realize you’re in high speed and you don’t know why?  Often for me it’s carried over from a single moment when I was in a rush and it’s only when my heart is pounding, my skin is sweaty and my head is in a fog that I realize I’m still running at high speed.  It’s when I’m running like this I make mistakes one after the other. Taking a moment to compose myself, sit up straight and take a deep breath, I then move at a comfortable speed, fully aware, and save myself accidents and unnecessary stress.

“When life doesn’t meet your expectations, it was important to take it with grace.” 
― Patricia BriggsWhen Demons Walk

Buff Someone Else.

It feels good to make others feel good.

There’s a debate on whether it’s selfish to show kindness and do good things for others to make ourselves feel good. Life is about making ourselves feel good and if more people gave for that reason and not out of obligation maybe more people would give.   It makes me feel good to give a smile, a pepperoni stick, and a bottle of water to the man holding an “anything will help” sign outside Safeway.   In fact, it makes me feel so good that I always make sure I have bottles of water in the car so that I have something to give and a reason to interact.   Sometimes just giving a warm smile, a hand on the shoulder and a “have a good day” is sufficient to fill me up and bring me joy.   The desire to help other people is why we become doctors and teachers.  We are meant to feel good when we help others, it releases endorphins that boosts the serotonin in your body, relieving stress and anxiety.

“Happiness doesn’t result from what we get, but from what we give.” 
― Ben Carson

Be Sensual.

Smells, Feels, Tastes, Sounds, Looks SOOOO Goood.

My husband recently told me he wants us to live a Sensual Life. We take our senses for granted and don’t think twice to use them when we need to feel good.  When we are stressed we will listen to music.  When we are sick we will put on our fuzzy pajamas.  When we are planning a vacation we look at pictures for ideas.  When I’m feeling frazzled I have a stash of rich, dark chocolate.  The feeling I get when the taste hits my pallet seems to put everything on hold and I breathe a sigh of relief.  Unconsciously we are already living the Sensual Life, but by consciously doing things to stimulate the senses we can reap additional benefits and use them to their full potential.  Living a Sensual Life makes us aware of the present and brings us into the moment.  Allowing ourselves to experience the joy of our senses can lead to a much more “feel good” kind of life.

“You must learn to heed your senses. Humans use but a tiny percentage of theirs. They barely look, they rarely listen, they never smell, and they think that they can only experience feelings through their skin. But they talk, oh, do they talk.” 
― Michael ScottThe Alchemyst