Have you ever had someone take your hand and then forcefully start beating you in the face with it? It’s a very unnatural and unpleasant feeling, not to mention it really hurts. We’re not meant to hurt ourselves with our own limbs and we’re not meant to hurt ourselves with our own words or thoughts.
I worked and lived with a woman who made my life miserable. She showed kindness and compassion to everyone she came across, but she loved to pick on me. Any mistake I made I was told how stupid I was. She knew all my secrets and loved to remind me of my most shameful memories. She was relentless in making me feel undeserving off all the greatness in my life. As soon as I got up in the morning she was there telling me I was lazy because I didn’t get up earlier to work out. She was sweet as pie to everyone else, yet she made me feel unworthy, unlovable and made me sick. This beast of a woman wasn’t a co-worker, spouse, sibling or parent, she was me.
How would it feel to know that others could hear your self-talk? Would you allow someone to speak to you the way you speak to yourself?
By becoming aware of the quality of our words we can change how we see ourselves and ultimately how others see us. Positive words whether to yourself or to another lead to a positive self-worth.
Treat yourself with the kindness and compassion as you would any other. Be aware of the words the follow “I am”. They are very powerful.
Buff Beads are a simple reminder to be aware of your self-talk. They are used as a reminder of the importance of treating ourselves with the same respect as we would another. Buff Beads are a tool used in every day life to be sure that we are treating the most important person to us (ourselves) with the up most respect.
“Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear – not absence of fear.”
― Mark Twain
Introducing Courage Buff Beads.
“I am courageous!” Is a powerful buff and is my most popular mantra. It just takes one courageous action to start the ball rolling. You will find that it feels good and it gets easier to do scary things. Courage opens the door to new experiences. Courage brings hope.
“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection”
Pink represents Esteem which is not an easy thing to teach, because it comes from within. Self-esteem is built by doing things you’re proud of. It’s created by patting yourself on the back when no one else is. It’s realizing you are worthy when you have always thought you weren’t. It’s telling yourself daily that you love you and that you are worthy of all good things.
Esteem Beads are available on the Buff Beads store. Free shipping to the US and Canada until the end of June with the code Buff Yourself.
Buff Beads are a year old! Thank you everyone who has been with me from the beginning!
A year ago today I was walking around China Town in Vancouver after having just visited Dr. Sun Yat-Sen’s Garden gift shop where I purchased a pair of prayer beads that were on sale. As the story goes, I was feeling anxiously awful. It was one of those times where it took every bit of concentration just to get to the next moment without losing it. I began to play with the beads as I continued to mentally defend my Self against my word. It soon became effortless and my anxiety began to lift. I called them my Buff Beads, because what I was doing was using my word to give me power. As we do in our video games. It worked so well and I had to tell others that I knew could benefit from this knowledge. I found a little bead store and without any knowledge of stringing beads I made a handful of beads that I gave to those that needed them. June 21st my Etsy shop opened. My first buyer coincidentally was the first person I had given Buff Beads to. My son Josh was my first buyer. I have the order still pinned to my vision board. The order came with a note from the buyer that simply says “I love you.”
In the last year I have given away and sold hundreds of Buff Beads to people all over the world. The styles have changed a few times, but the message has always been the same and always will be.
There is a healing powers in your words. By saying only loving and kind words to your Self you develop a friendship that will surpass all others. The love and respect I have for my Self now brings tears to my eyes. I cannot believe I had let it go for so long and allowed so much disrespect in my life.
In just a few weeks Buff Beads online store will go live and my message of the power of self-talk will become even louder! I am so excited to see where we are at in another year.
*NOTE: Buff Beads shown are my original Buff Beads and not for sale.
Anniversary Buff Beads are on Sale on AOP’s Etsy Shop.
As most of you know, Buff Beads are based on the gaming term for the skill used to give yourself power before a battle. Here’s a quick little run down:
In video games, specifically RPGs or MMOs there is a term we use for the skills that give us an advantage in the game. An extra 10% to health, a bonus 15% to defense, a boost to damage, speed, endurance etc. Some of these little dabs of comfort last until you get hit, some last 30 seconds and some last 60 minutes. Most of them aren’t game changing like cheats ie. God Mode or Motherlode , nor do we really want them to be. Really, it’s just the boost of confidence we get when we hit the skill, our character does their battle cry and powers up. We are then buffed up and ready for battle.
To make it easy and visual here are the stats you’ll need to buff up at any given time:
Compassion is highlighted due to its critical importance and frequent use. It is the stat that boosts the skills, Forgiveness, Understanding and Love. When Compassion is used on yourself it will give a permanent buff to the majority of your stats. Specifically, Health, Valor, Armour and Wisdom.
For a little under a year I have been teaching people the importance of buffing in real life and how to do it. To do it we use one of the first skills we learn in this game we call life, Speech. Only when Speech is activated can we use the skill Words. Using Words is an important skill and must be used very carefully as to make sure we do not debuff. A buff that comes after learning Words is “I am”.
Warning: “I am” is the most powerful buff and must be used wisely. If used poorly it can be turned into a self-destructing debuff. This is not a glitch. It can be used as a buff and a debuff. This is the way the Dev designed it. Whatever you put after “I am” can determine how your game will go. Kind of like Fable.
Buffing yourself in RL is a life changing experience boost that will get you to the next level. It is part of your storyline and a never ending quest that may seem like a grind at times. But leave it in your quest log and consistently go back and work on it. Each time you do the reward is greater.
It’s dangerous to go alone. Take these. Equip some Legend of Zelda themed Buff Beads for a boost to Memory. They will be a reminder to not only Buff Yourself, but of the importance of using your Speech skill to treat yourself with kindness and compassion. You may not have Navi with you throughout your journey, but when you treat yourself as a friend, that’s what you will become.
We went to the Vancouver Fan Expo specifically to meet my idol Carrie Fisher. I was a very lonely, awkward preteen and spent most of my free time lying in bed daydreaming about having adventures in a galaxy far, far away with my mom, Princess Leia. I had rehearsed for over two decades telling her how much she had meant to me during that time and I continued to rehearse in my head for the three hours I stood in line waiting for her to sign my copy of her book Wishful Drinking. She has always been very candid about her bi-polar and addictions and I have always admired her ability to not pussyfoot around so called “sensitive issues”. I love how she owns her shit. As a thanks I had made her some Buff Beads and three people away from her I still had no idea how I would manage to fit everything I had to say to her into 30 seconds. With my husband holding me up I walked up to her trembling and holding back tears. She was beautiful and I wanted to hug her. I mumbled off my words of adoration and the part she played in my childhood as my fictional mom. She asked my age and if she could even be my mom. She did some quick math and she would have been young, but absolutely she could have been my mom and then she signed my book:
For Jessica Love from her true mother.
I told her that I had a blog and I wrote about self-love, self-talk and shame resilience. I explained that I had created Buff Beads to keep aware of my self-talk and I asked if I could give her some. She said “I really could use these” and put them around her fingers. I left that day high just at the reception I had received from Carrie. It didn’t matter if my beads got forgotten and left behind at the table, she would be seeing a thousand fans just like me. I was so completely satisfied with the moment that she took my beads and also kind of adopted me. The next day at the photo op I was excited, but not nearly as emotional. I full on had no expectations she would remember me and was just excited to have a picture with her. There were three people ahead of us when we walked into view of her and her French Bulldog Gary. David asked me which side I wanted to be on, I said whatever side of God Jesus was on. Gary was on the right side, so I took the left. With all the coolness of a limp noodle I walked up to her, said hello and then in a high pitched emotional whisper I squeaked “You’re wearing my beads. You’re wearing my beads.” I could not believe it. I hadn’t even allowed the thought to enter my mind that she would be. Carrie said “I’ve been wearing them all night.” The seconds after that were kind of a blur, I remember seeing the girl behind the camera I think she told me to smile needlessly, I said thank you in a breathless sob and Carrie said “You’re welcome” and I walked out.
A photo posted by Advice Over Pie (@adviceoverpie) on
The person who had influenced my life the most and who I most wanted to wear the beads I had created a year ago was wearing them on her own accord. Carrie Fisher had gone back to her hotel the night before, with my beads and then friggin’ put them on and wore them all day, through the Q & A, through the autograph session and through the photo op. This is the only affirmation I will ever need. My idol, my fantasy “true” mom, heard my message of self-love and appreciated it. And I have proof.
The Buff Beads that I gave to Carrie and that she wore can be found on the Buff Beads store.
I created Buff Beads as a way to take control over my thoughts when my self talk becomes too much to handle. In video games terms, Buffing is a way one would give their character more power. I use my Buff Beads as a reminder of the power of loving myself first and that my words and thoughts are the source of my power. By saying them silently to myself they can bring me peace, strength and balance. Your words can be used to Buff Yourselves up before taking test, “I’ve studied hard. I got this.” To calm the jitters before a speech, presentation, interview, or audition, “I have nerves of steel. I am articulate. This is mine.” During a confrontation Buff Yourself with stability and strength using your words. The beads are simply a reminder to be aware of our self talk. That we have the strength to weather any storm. Buff Yourself!
Let’s talk about Love. Love is my home base. It’s where I gain my inspiration from and it’s where I go back to when I need answers. So, what do you love? Not who, but what? Think of things you love enough that when you think of it you feel that squishy warm love feeling inside. For example; I have a beautiful pair of Louboutin ankle boots hanging on my vision board in front of me right now. Every time I sit and stare at them I get an internal squeal of joy that goes through my body and I feel like I’m going to explode with joy. Dramatic right? What kind of things do that to you? You might have to really let yourself feel it, but just go with it.
Now that I got you all worked up on Love, do you love yourself? …Did you lose that loving feeling?
Loving yourself doesn’t mean you are confident with your looks. It doesn’t mean that you like who you are. Both very wonderful things. We should definitely be confident and like who we are. But, it’s not enough.
I have felt stupid all my life. Up until 6 months ago, the number one thing I would say out loud to myself was “Oh that was stupid, Jessica!” I wonder why I felt so stupid for so many years?
What is your self talk? Keep an eye on it and try and catch yourself and when you do change it to something positive. I call it buffing. In video game terms when you buff yourself, you are giving yourself extra power. Extra power to heal, extra strength, extra toughness etc…
Buffing at first feels weird and unnatural and you won’t believe it. But, think about this…Would you ever allow someone to stand in front of you and talk to you the way you talk to yourself? Would you talk to someone else like that? There are slip ups, but most of the time we would never treat other people as horribly as we treat ourselves. Why do we allow ourselves to do this?
It felt a little like SNL’s Stuart Smalley, but I began to compliment myself. I would tell myself how smart I was. I would allow myself to fill with pride about an article I wrote and say “Good job, Jess!” Once I was aware of my self talk and I started changing it, I started to feel different. This odd new confidence arose in me and I developed this sense of pride for all things that I had accomplished in my life. I gave myself credit for things that I just passed off as flukes or “well, I had help.” I started believing how important I was to me. That I had value. I started telling myself how awesome I was. And I felt awesome. I found that the more gentle and kind I was to myself the more people were gentle and kind to me. As I developed this Love and care for myself, people around me began to change. People around me seemed happier. I was also constantly surprising myself with how much patience I had and how nice I was to strangers. It was baffling. It was magical.
By filling myself up first with love and with my own words of kindness and compassion, I now have more of it to give away. Buffing myself has been very healing both mentally and physically. Start right now. If you don’t feel like it right now, start tomorrow. Set a date. After a few days of being super nice to yourself and taking care of your needs first you may notice the following things.
You are sleeping well.
You are unusually nice to people.
Your patience has increased 10%.
You feel stronger mentally. Like you could take on the whole Empire yourself.
People around you are nicer to you.
You may even get told you look different.
You don’t need to sit in front of a mirror and tell yourself that you’re good enough, smart enough and that people like you. You just need to be aware and catch yourself and change your “I am so fat” to “I have fantastic legs.” You need to let yourself make mistakes and get messy. You need to feel the same kind of Love that you have for that amazing pair of Louboutin’s for yourself. This may seem like a Fairy Tale, but once you start talking to yourself nice, you will start to believe it and the love and everything else will follow.
Need a reminder to watch your self talk? There are Buff Beads for that!