Geek Wisdom

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I had never read Lord of the Rings before I saw the movie. From the moment it began I was in awe. I sat mesmerized for an hour until my 7 year got sick and I left to do a half fast vom clean up. I made in back in time to see this scene between Gandalf and Frodo.

“I wish it need not have happened in my time,” said Frodo.
“So do I,” said Gandalf, “and so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.”

His words made me cry for a long time after the movie was over. To me it was Gandalf answering a question that I had long been asking. It was up to me to decide what to do with the time that was given. And I did decide. My decisions were not always the right ones and may have been a little out of control, but nonetheless I did something with my time. And here I am.

Life is good.  Just need to find that happy medium between taking control and going with the flow.

The Two Best Words You May Ever Hear.

Me Too.

How glorious it is to hear those two words!

I started Advice Over Pie because I was feeling incredibly lonely with my experiences. It took awhile. My attempts to make friends and be vulnerable was a little much for some.

I don’t recommend using “shame” in the same sentence as “nice to meet you.”

When I found I was scaring people away I began to attempt to warm up to people. This turned into a lot of fitting in and less belonging.

I allowed myself to be patient  and choosy with whom I told my story. I continued to write here regardless of whether the article was being read knowing that it would get to whom it needed to. Eventually others on similar paths began to come out of the word work. I found friends and ally’s where I never expected to. I am now feeling an abundance of love and understanding daily.

I cannot express what it means to me those of you whom have shared your stories or have said those two beautiful words to me. I consider each and every one of you my friends.

Never pass up and opportunity to say “Me too”.  You may never know the value of those words to another.

I Love you.

CSLewisFriendship

Your Worth.

You are worthy of love and of all good things.

Why do I say this?

Because you are.  We all are.  Not one more than the other.  We are all the same in our worth.

So why do we then think one better than the other?  Because we are told that there is such a measure.  Being better implies that there is someone worse.

You could argue morally there are some that are worse than others, but doesn’t that just make us better than the actions the supposed worse person is doing?

What is worse and what is better is relative. One person doing worse things than your better may thrive while you feel undeserving. Your better thing may be someone’s worst yet they see you thrive.

What does it feel like to feel unworthy?

Like any pain in your life, any loss or any lack is because you have done something somewhere that you believe a higher power is judging you for. You see yourself as bad, tarnished, imperfect and flawed.  Any happiness you do receive or any desires you are delivered come with a price and are fleeting.  This makes receiving any blessing scary and you end it before it leaves you so that you’re not caught off guard and disappointed.

You do everything half-fast. Never putting too much effort into anything and always settling for less than your true desire. At times, even your lack of effort is an effort. So you give up.

Within the darkness of giving up there is always a spark of hope. Go to that. The spark is any beauty that you become aware of. A patch of blue sky on a dreary day, a scent of a rose or a beam of sunlight through dust in the air. Let any feeling of beauty and peace be your reminder that you are deserving of more. Let this awaken you.

It is the worthy that believe they are not. It’s only in your goodness and grace that you feel unworthy.

Forgiveness of self, and compassion brings a feeling of worthiness.

A lack of worth will raise emotion in you when worth is talked about. Just by hearing the words “you are worthy” may send a twinge of ache through your body. Question that.  Feel worthy of love, because you are.  Feel worthy of all good things.

Namaste.

 

Uareworthy

 

 

Hey Perfectionists Over Here!

Hey fellow creative perfectionists! How do you let go of perfection? No seriously I want to know. I’m going crazy here. How do I just let go and say “Hey that’s pretty effin good.” without spending  5 hours perfecting it and still not being satisfied? How do others throw caution to the wind and write how they really feel without freezing up and deleting it all? How do you let your authentic self shine through the written word without the ability to use facial expressions and voice tones to get your message across? (I’ve always said that if I can wing it on my resume I’ll win them over in the face to face interview.) How do you be brutally honest without sounding incredibly dramatic? I feel like I have this invisible tether being held by an invisible force that’s saying “Not too much truth, Jess.”  How do you find out what’s holding you back from true authenticity and release yourself from the chains of perfectionism?    (P.S.) I’m posting this without going through it with a fine tooth comb and I’m not happy with it. Please don’t judge me.

Amen.

“When in our lives have we not distinguished what enough looks like? Without this, we are constantly disappointed in ourselves, constantly afraid and thoroughly overwhelmed.”
-Andrea Scher, Superhero Journal

What Do You Have To Gain?

Courage

 

It’s mind blowing to me how I continuously over complicate my life. I’ve been digging in my psyche for years trying to draw out any piece of evidence that will reveal to me the cure to being afraid of judgement.  I’ve traced through my childhood with a fine tooth comb, read books, meditated and watched video’s searching for something or someone to say it differently than the others so that I could understand. The answer was so simple and I felt so silly. I am constantly being reminded that the best way to find an answer is to quit looking for it.  The resolution always comes from within.

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Looking back, it’s amazing the opportunities I passed up because I was too scared of what people would think. Recently, while psyching myself up to do some networking  I said defiantly, “What do I got to lose?”. I’ve said that to myself numerous times in an attempt to gain courage, but for some reason  this time the question didn’t go away.

What DID I have to lose?

For the most part,  besides rejection, looking overly ambitious or being told my writing is crap, I really had nothing to lose. I allowed my imagination to create liberties and go wild. I came up with many fabulous and not so fabulous opportunities that could arise only if  I put my fear of judgment aside. The painful thought of perhaps missing out on those opportunities greatly outweighed any thought of a briefly bruised ego.

Is it easier for you to gain the loss or to lose the gain?

Generally, the possibility for great things is endless and any fear of loss boils down to being afraid of looking like an ass on the dance floor. Which for many, including me, may be worth the loss that’s why if sometimes the gain doesn’t outweigh the pain of humiliation, that’s okay. Because God knows I still a have a ways to go before you catch me singing karaoke publicly or on stage acting in a play.  As my husband says “Baby steps,  my darling.”, so I will start by writing scary emails and soul bearing blog posts.

What is Real?

Be Yourself Be real

Once you are real you can’t become unreal again. It lasts for always.
-The Velveteen Rabbit, Margery Williams

 

Being real is scary and means putting yourself out there for ridicule and hurt. But, the pain is minor compared to the freedom of being who you truly are. Besides, it’s when you’re real that you realize who really matters in your life. And really, we just want to be around people who we matter to and matter to us.

Celebrating The Imperfect Mom

Celebrating The Imperfect Mom

Parenting became easier once I started to admit to my kids that I didn’t know what I was doing. I started enjoying being a mom when I relaxed, quit trying so hard and started parenting from the heart rather than what I thought I should do. I became a better mom when I acknowledged my mistakes, forgave myself and began to love myself. Today I celebrate the not-so Hallmark Moms, the honest, vulnerable, mistake making Moms. I celebrate my sisters, cousins, and daughter who have yet to become Moms. May you be honest and imperfect Finally, I celebrate my kids who have allowed me to be a vulnerable, honest and an imperfect mom and who continue to make me look so damn good!