Stop Hitting Yourself

Have you ever had someone take your hand and then forcefully start beating you in the face with it? It’s a very unnatural and unpleasant feeling, not to mention it really hurts. We’re not meant to hurt ourselves with our own limbs and we’re not meant to hurt ourselves with our own words or thoughts.

I worked and lived with a woman who made my life miserable. She showed kindness and compassion to everyone she came across, but she loved to pick on me. Any mistake I made I was told how stupid I was. She knew all my secrets and loved to remind me of my most shameful memories. She was relentless in making me feel undeserving off all the greatness in my life. As soon as I got up in the morning she was there telling me I was lazy because I didn’t get up earlier to work out. She was sweet as pie to everyone else, yet she made me feel unworthy, unlovable and made me sick. This beast of a woman wasn’t a co-worker, spouse, sibling or parent, she was me.

How would it feel to know that others could hear your self-talk? Would you allow someone to speak to you the way you speak to yourself?
By becoming aware of the quality of our words we can change how we see ourselves and ultimately how others see us. Positive words whether to yourself or to another lead to a positive self-worth.
Treat yourself with the kindness and compassion as you would any other. Be aware of the words the follow “I am”. They are very powerful.

Buff Beads are a simple reminder to be aware of your self-talk. They are used as a reminder of the importance of treating ourselves with the same respect as we would another. Buff Beads are a tool used in every day life to be sure that we are treating the most important person to us (ourselves) with the up most respect.

Buff Yourself!

My friend myself

Instincts

What happens to animals who are locked away in zoo’s unable to respond to their natural instincts? Notice the similarities between that and what happens to us when we live a life out of obligation and fear. Ignoring our own wants and desires. We get depressed, we get sick and we die young. Beautiful people! Quit suppressing your instincts and true nature. Learn to connect to your higher self. Feel the difference between acting through spirit and acting through ego. Notice the peace that comes when you connect with your source. Recognize the joy that you get when you are listening to your instincts. Your true nature. Your higher self. Don’t be afraid. All that matter is being who you are and experiencing the life that you came here to live.  You are a soul here for a human experience. Don’t let yourself down. Be who you are meant to be.  Listen.

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An Ode to October.

I awake in the pitch dark and it’s there to greet me. I get a tight coolness in my chest and throat that radiates down to warmth into my chest. A heavy rock in my gut. Warmth spreads outwards across my chest and up to my throat and to my tongue. I feel like it takes effort to get oxygen to my brain, but it’s more effort to try and breath deep. The feeling comes before any thoughts. And I instinctively search desperately for a reason. Ah there it is. This morning the anxiety is a reminder of my insolence. I have not been as productive as I wanted this week. Mostly due to the tired haze this feeling has put me in. It becomes heavier. I push away the self-depreciating thought and I continue my mental search for physical reasons to why this happens to me every October.

The beginning of the month is hot. The leaves are changing and we are dancing around happily in tank tops, scarves and boots. Every year we are amazed at how mild it is and wonder if this Halloween will be warmer than the last. Then quickly, within a few days the weather changes. It begins to rain and with the sun behind the clouds it gets cold and then the darkness comes. I’ve caught onto this in the last few years and no longer wonder in awe at the beautiful warmth of the early fall season.

“Enjoy it! It’s going to get dark and start raining and it won’t stop till February.” I prepare others for it. Consciously, making myself aware as well.

I learn from my mistakes and won’t be tricked by October’s luring acrobats of deception. October has notoriously been a shitty month for me. In the past it was money that caused me the most grief. October was when my insurance ran out on my beat up old car. (Which always had problems passing Air Care.) It was the beginning of my three month gift giving season, beginning with my son’s birthday, a week later, Halloween, a week after that my birthday, then my daughters, then my dad’s, then Christmas. Fortunately, as chaotic as the next three months are about to be, the stress of money is not really all that prevalent. So, is the emotional upheaval I experience every year just the anxiety of the past Octobers haunting me now? I do not believe so.

I know I’m not alone in experiencing the physical repercussions of the month. I know there’s others like me who are feeling “off” and “edgy”. What is it about this month that wreaks havoc on us? Is it just us on the west coast? Is it the sudden change in weather? The insistent darkness that Daylight Savings Times is supposed to save us from? Maybe some of us just aren’t meant to live in constant darkness. Our animal instincts are not so supressed. Maybe October is our signal that we are meant to be elsewhere. The same as it is for the geese that scream above my head every morning. Reminding me “Hey! It’s time! We’re going south! Let’s go!” Or maybe I’m meant to just fatten up and sleep throughout the winter. Both options I’m okay with.

Whatever the case may be, trying to figure it all out just makes my October anxiety worse. So, this month I’m just trying to ride it out.

“It’s just a feeling.” I remind myself to get my mind to stop going through my file cabinet of screw ups.

I crave comfort. A soft stroke on the face, an arm around me, an understanding smile. I should just quit beating myself up over eating hot dogs and chocolate milk for breakfast, lunch and dinner. I just got to get through this. Whatever brings me peace I should allow. I feel the sensation of the anxiety and where it is in my body. I analyze it like a specimen, making notes of what I do that makes it go away for even seconds. The present moment seems to be the infinite answer for all things and in this case, it brings me relief. But being present constantly is near impossible for me. And it turns into a “Now now now now now” mantra and I have to do something else.

Positive emotions and feelings arise and I’m surprised by them. I don’t know where they are coming from. Images that create them are fleeting and the feelings are faint. They feel ancient and pure. Like a childhood memory unscathed by realistic views.  They are fragile and I cradle them gently afraid that even my breath will scare them off. Everything seems like an effort. Even holding onto ancient positive emotions.

I don’t want to do anything, but I want to do something. As frustration arises, I recognize it and leave the task at hand and find something else for the moment. I’m agonizingly aware of every feeling in my body. Minor irritations are like pin pricks and create a ball of rage in me that is unusually annoying. “OH just stop it, Jessica! ” I attempt to rise above them, to put it all in perspective and to just allow the feelings to wash over me leaving potential victims unscathed.

“What is this monster I’m becoming?”

I have begun to find humor in the dramatics of my inner dialogue. My goodness, the foulness I could spew if I were that person. I applaud myself for my creative use of the English language and curse words. I am now embracing the drama. Allowing it to move my body in a pouting, overtired toddler manner. “Meh!” I whine. And drink my wine. Cross legged on the floor out of a mug.

I gasped in horror at my reflection the other day. Standing there with unwashed hair, hot dog in hand, ketchup dripped on my faded “Buff Yourself” t-shirt. “Dear God, woman! Get yourself together!” I said to myself in disgust and I apply mascara. “There ya go!” And I sit back to down amongst the old tissues and dishes and immerse myself in the self-made drama of The Sims.

Distraction has become my weapon against this foul beast of a month. Distraction and life’s simple pleasures. There is no fighting what is inevitable. The days are going to be dark, the rain is going to fall and my birthday will happen. Until, I can fly away every October with the geese to get away from it all, I am going to spend my early October days wearing my boots and scarf, basking in the sun happily and fully aware that come Halloween I’ll be lying on the floor in front of the fireplace wearing an old t-shirt and sweats, eating hot dogs, drinking chocolate milk and chanting, “November is coming.” Hoping that the placebo will take effect.

October Blues

Be With Your Pain

Be still

Pain and hopelessness can sweep over us and take control over our thoughts and lives. When it happens it can be so hard to see past it and to practice all that we’ve learned. There is no quick fix for the pain. No amount of wine ever blocked out my pain. It was always there in the morning. We must just be with the pain, be gentle with ourselves and be silent. When we are in this state and allowing it to just be we will find our truth. My truth that brings me peace is that everything always works out for me. In my experience, with pain comes a chance for change and growth. Please know, that you are not meant to suffer. You are worthy of love and all good things. And you are not alone.

Your Worth.

You are worthy of love and of all good things.

Why do I say this?

Because you are.  We all are.  Not one more than the other.  We are all the same in our worth.

So why do we then think one better than the other?  Because we are told that there is such a measure.  Being better implies that there is someone worse.

You could argue morally there are some that are worse than others, but doesn’t that just make us better than the actions the supposed worse person is doing?

What is worse and what is better is relative. One person doing worse things than your better may thrive while you feel undeserving. Your better thing may be someone’s worst yet they see you thrive.

What does it feel like to feel unworthy?

Like any pain in your life, any loss or any lack is because you have done something somewhere that you believe a higher power is judging you for. You see yourself as bad, tarnished, imperfect and flawed.  Any happiness you do receive or any desires you are delivered come with a price and are fleeting.  This makes receiving any blessing scary and you end it before it leaves you so that you’re not caught off guard and disappointed.

You do everything half-fast. Never putting too much effort into anything and always settling for less than your true desire. At times, even your lack of effort is an effort. So you give up.

Within the darkness of giving up there is always a spark of hope. Go to that. The spark is any beauty that you become aware of. A patch of blue sky on a dreary day, a scent of a rose or a beam of sunlight through dust in the air. Let any feeling of beauty and peace be your reminder that you are deserving of more. Let this awaken you.

It is the worthy that believe they are not. It’s only in your goodness and grace that you feel unworthy.

Forgiveness of self, and compassion brings a feeling of worthiness.

A lack of worth will raise emotion in you when worth is talked about. Just by hearing the words “you are worthy” may send a twinge of ache through your body. Question that.  Feel worthy of love, because you are.  Feel worthy of all good things.

Namaste.

 

Uareworthy

 

 

Pride Buff Beads

Introducing Pride Buff Beads on Advice Over Pie’s Etsy Shop

Buff Beads are based on the article Give Yourself a Love Buff.

You can learn about Buff Beads from yours truly:

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Wide Open

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Hopelessness and distress cannot live while you remain aware of your Self and connected to your Soul. You are peace.

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Selfie

His SelfAfter my article Me, My Self and My Ego I received this picture from Caleb who took my message to heart and used his artistic skills to draw his Self. Something he had given up doing in high school. Working in a tense work environment and not feeling anyone has your back can make your work day seem excruciatingly long. Caleb is using this image of his Self to build strength and confidence to get him through his work day with peace and joy.

Send me your selfie: jessica@adviceoverpie.com

Me, My Self and My Ego

Everyone needs a hero. I met mine early last year. She has this radiance that is calming. I can see the universal wisdom in her eyes where even my most major circumstances are mere blips in comparison. Yet, she looks at me with such compassion and understanding that I am comforted immediately. She oozes confidence and dances uninhibitedly when she feels joy. She is silly, graceful, protective and loyal.  I want to be her. She is me. She is my Soul. She is my Self.

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When I’m with my tribe, ie husband, kids, sisters, brothers, bff, aunts, cousins…I am confident and fear almost nothing. Knowing that my tribe has my back should I run into trouble, gives me an air of confidence. I want that feeling always. To feel unconditionally loved and supported in a moments notice would revolutionize day to day life. By developing a relationship with my Self I have a built in tribe that I bring with me everywhere. She is the angel on my shoulder. I can feel her with me and I can see her smiling at me with warmth and love.

It takes practice to remember to turn to her, because the worldly pain is loud and my ego is even louder. My ego demands attention by sneaking in words to bring me down. She is the devil on my shoulder. Sulking in the corner and plotting ways to take me down. She thrives in conflict and will do all she can to slime her way into my head. During my happiest moments she is the loudest. Trying to convince me of my lack of worth and why I do not deserve such joy. I can feel my ego coming sometimes and can stop her in her tracks. I am stern and I say No!

“Keep your forked tongue behind your teeth.” (Gandalf)

She glares and slinker’s off. My Self and I give each other a knowing smirk and a mental high five.

Often the pain is loud and sudden and I can’t catch it. I fall into despair, worry and grief.  After some time I am reminded that I’m not alone.  I turn and there she is smiling at me compassionately, an invisible hand of comfort on my shoulder.  She simply says “You are doing really well.” And I cock my head to the left putting it to hers.

Being told you’re handling your stress well is sometimes all you need to hear.

Creating a mental image of my soul and my ego makes them tangible. It provides a source of the self-bullying and gives me something to stick up to. It allows me to have a visual representation of who I want to be as a person and a source of the self-love and self-compassion. Visualization is a gift and not often used to its full potential. More often than not, it’s because we feel silly. Who do we feel silly in front of? Don’t allow yourself to get sucked into the ways of the ego. Stand steadfast with the knowledge and power you have knowing that you are not alone. There is power in you to change your life. Trust your Self and let go.


His SelfAfter my article Me, My Self and My Ego I received this picture from Caleb who took my message to heart and used his artistic skills to draw his Self. Something he had given up doing in high school. Working in a tense work environment and not feeling anyone has your back can make your work day seem excruciatingly long. Caleb is using this image of his Self to build strength and confidence to get him through his work day with peace and joy.

Send me your selfie: jessica@adviceoverpie.com

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